


The Pyre

by Kitovraska



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur already knows, Arthur-centric, Canon Era, Drama, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, M/M, Magic Revealed, slightly OOC Merlin, slightly ooc arthur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2018-05-04 04:22:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5320280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitovraska/pseuds/Kitovraska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is one way to break the ice...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hour 1. The Sound of Horn at Dusk.

‘Arthur, Merlin has…’

He ends his father’s words at this moment. All he sees are tears in Merlin’s eyes.

He blows the horn and watches Uther’s shadow disappear into oblivion. All he sees are tears in Merlin’s terrified eyes. All he feels is rage and jealousy. This is his kingdom, his ways of ruling, his wife, his manservant. Whatever Merlin has, it belongs to his king. It belongs to Arthur. Uther has no right to say anything about it. If Merlin has a secret… Its Arthur’s secret too.

Every suspicion he’s ever had – the blue orb of light, the dragon which flew away after a mortal blow, crazy old Dragoon with such young and familiar eyes, ice-covered Merlin slowly coming to life after the deadly dorocca touch… it all clicks into place now. He knows his father too well. The one thing he’d want to warn his son against, before doing anything else… is one thing. Magic. He sees it in Merlin’s teary eyes.

Arthur knows – his servant is never scared of losing his life. Yet all he sees are tears in Merlin’s blue and painfully wide eyes. This means Merlin is scared of something else. He fears Arthur might learn the truth.

The truth. The truth is Arthur already knows. He lets out defeated and pained sigh. If only he could come up to this idiot, shake the tears out, let them fall on the stone floor, let Merlin fall to his knees, whispering confessions and pleads… if only all this would happen. Then Arthur would lay his hand on his servant’s head; let his fingers run through dark ruffled hair, make Merlin look up by raising his chin gently with his other hand. He would tell him ‘I already know’. Then lean down and kiss his…

The truth is Arthur cannot do this. The truth is Merlin would never kneel before Arthur. He’d rather be a fool than a pleader. He’d rather be a friend than a servant. He’d rather die than beg?

These thoughts make Arthur cold as stone, frozen on the spot. He slowly comes up to Merlin who’s still pinned to the wall with the halberds and is struggling against them as a caught bird. Arthur grabs the wooden staff and Merlin stops wiggling. He raises his head and the sharpness of the move causes tears to finally fall. Arthur watches the wet trace they leave on Merlin’s cheeks. All he sees is… Merlin, so close, so painfully open for him, the way he has never been. There is fear, and guilt, and hope, and awe in Merlin’s eyes, all mixed together and so… bare.

Arthur closes his eyes. He cannot do this. With regained control, he snaps his eyes open and drags halberds out of the wall, in one sharp move, making Merlin wince and tumble. He’s on his knees. All Arthur sees is… Merlin on his knees. Silent, stoic, stubborn Merlin. All he feels inside is cold anger and utter confusion, noble rage and… something else, something warm, buried deep under the ice-cold tombstone which holds his heart.

He cannot do it. He cannot forgive Merlin, he cannot love Merlin, and he cannot allow this facade to go on any longer.

This is the right moment to break it. Feeling cold and distant, he absently wonders if Uther’s spirit wasn’t cast away but occupied his body and mind. Arthur finds that he does not care. He feels so cold, that he can think of one thing only. Setting the biggest fire Camelot has ever seen.


	2. Hour 2. The Crawl of Darkness

‘Merlin has…’  
Merlin blinks in confusion. He must be hearing things. Otherwise why would Arthur repeat his father’s last words? Why would he acknowledge he heard them, while staring right into Merlin’s eyes? Why would be choose to let them linger in the air, making it impossible to ignore them? Why not let them slide, fade from the memory, disappear with the sound of the horn just as Uther’s shadow disappeared into thin air?  
Arthur looks at him, intently, and repeats, as if to himself: ‘Merlin has…’   
He has removed the halberds, but hearing these words feels like the king is shoving them back, right into Merlin’s heart.  
‘What do you have, that I don’t know of, Merlin?’  
‘A brain?’   
Merlin regrets saying it the moment word slips out. He cannot help but go for a joke. It has been the last retort for so many times, maybe it will save him tonight as well. Maybe Arthur will let out exasperated sigh and call him an idiot, maybe he will ruffle his hair and sarcastically proclaim ‘Really?’, maybe… but Arthur grabs his chin and Merlin squeaks.   
The whole situation feels wrong. The way he’s still kneeling before Arthur, the way the king’s touch is rough and intimate at the same time. It sets his heartbeat to a fast tempo. He notices the quirk of king’s mouth, as if Arthur suppresses a quick smile, which dies on his lips before being born.  
‘This. Is. Not. Funny. Merlin’, Arthur growls through gritted teeth. And for the first time in forever Merlin feels fear while looking in his king’s eyes. Arthur is not himself. He’s full of cold rage. He’s not letting it all slide. He’s not letting Merlin be. He drags him to his feet, still holding his chin, leaving a bruise and making Merlin wince.   
‘Tell me, Merlin, what do you have that I don’t know of,’ he asks almost calmly which sounds terribly off with his glowed hand still squeezing Merlin’s jaw.  
‘Arthur'… Fear tightens his heart. Arthur knows, he knows, plays on repeat in his mind.  
‘Answer me. Say it!’   
‘Arthur… I can’t…I wish I could, but…’ Merlin closes his eyes, trying to stop tears of panic and despair. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this… Arthur growls and pushes him against the wall; air leaves Merlin’s lungs at the force of it. Arthur grips his shoulders and hisses in his ear:  
'You could do it every day through these years, any minute. You had this chance more than once! But right now I am not asking if you can or cannot. You will tell me the truth! Now!'  
Merlin stares at him helplessly, silently begging for mercy with his eyes.  
‘Arthur…’  
‘No. I am your king and I demand an answer. Say it.’  
Merlin’s silent.   
Even if he wanted to, his mouth wouldn’t form a word. He’s frozen with fear. Arthur knows. He knows the truth and he’s about to drag it out of Merlin at all costs. Why here, why now? Why not in the middle of the battle, thankful for saving his life? Why not in the comfort of the royal chambers, catching him performing his chores with magic? Why not on one of their hunting trips in the forest, when there’s only two of them and the peace of nature around?  
Why is it happening in the depth of the cold castle, at night, with Merlin pinned to the wall and Arthur cruelly dragging the truth out of him?   
'Arthur... Everything I've done... I did it for you'  
'What have you done, Merlin?' Arthur asks quietly, his voice barely audible.  
Merlin feels the tears escaping his eyes. This is the end. This is it...  
'I lied to you'  
'How?' Arthur eyes him, his features clouded as if he's in pain.   
Their faces are inches apart. Suddenly it all seems surreal. This is the moment Merlin has been waiting for so long. No matter what comes next, he can at least do what he has always wanted to. Amaze Arthur. Even if it gets him killed. Even if the only reward for his long silent duty would be a spark of recognition in his king's eyes. Even it this light would be the last thing he sees.   
‘What do you have, that I don’t know of?’  
Arthur's voice echoes through his mind, sad and lonely like the sound of a church bell across the hills.  
'I have... I have magic'  
The air around them is filled with it. Golden light, fiery dragons and blue orbs mix together in Merlin's teary eyes and Arthur's painfully wide ones.  
Arthur lets go and Merlin slides to the floor, weak and helpless. Magic slowly dies down, blue orbs flow up high, dragons fall, only golden light stays in blue eyes before dissapearing completely. Last thing he sees is Arthur, staring at him with blank and cold expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I am updating this old piece of crap! Shocking, I know.


	3. Hour 3. The Queen of Midnight

Midnight hour strikes as lightning and the castle grumbles in its sleep as low as the thunder growls in the hills when the storm is coming. Arthur rings the alarm bell himself.  
The night council is bare and slumbering. Half-clothed people, shocked with panic and confusion emerge in the doors, stalk inside, and eye the king questingly. Gaius walks into the hall and not finding Merlin beside his king, frowns. Arthur smirks bitterly. Gaius knows, no doubt. He abruptly notices Gwen, pale and shaking, following physician’s steps. For a second, his heart tugs in his chest – it was Merlin who saved his queen, his Guinevere, but he quickly lets the moment of weakness pass. He remembers how many times Merlin has saved her before, how many times he must have saved them all… Then he remembers the old Dragoon, and his mouth twists in disgust and anger. By the Gods, Merlin had it coming. He has been fooling them all for years. He shuts his mind off the unwanted memories and focuses on the council.

‘I have a short message for all of you. This night a sorcerer has been caught in the midst of the citadel. Do not fret, for he’s kept in the dungeons and is guarded well. Tomorrow at dawn he will be executed for using enchantments and magic’ Arthur’s voice gets caught in his throat. He hears his father’s words coming out of his mouth and can’t quite believe it. What is he doing?  
‘I expect you all witness the pyre at dawn. The council is dismissed’.

‘Won’t there be a trial? asks Gwen suddenly, making her way through the crowd.  
Arthur looks at her as if she’s a ghost. She is a ghost to him. She belongs to the world Arthur is no longer part of. He feels so distant and cold he can hardly bear it. Everything he knew, everything he felt was a lie.  
‘Guinevere, you shouldn’t trouble yourself with this accident, you’re still weak, you should rest. Besides there is no need for a trial, if you trust the word of your king. I was there and saw the sorcerer perform magic with my own eyes’.

‘Sire’, addresses Gaius formally with a slight tremor noticeable in his voice. ‘May we learn the identity of the sorcerer?’  
Arthur looks right into man’s eyes and throws words into the cold air of the midnight hall.  
‘It’s Merlin’.  
People fall silent for a moment and with the growl of thunder coming from outside start growling too – hushed whispers, shocked exclamations, wide-open eyes and tightly squeezed hands.

Gwen looks stricken by lightning. She makes a step forward and tries to say something, but suddenly stops and looks behind. Everybody in the council is staring at her, but nobody moves a muscle. She’s taken aback with the lack of support and eyes Gaius and the knights helplessly. Gwaine exclaims ‘This is outrageous!’ to his fellow knights, but they back away and shake their heads. Gaius closes his eyes and lets out a pained sigh.  
Arthur is watching the scene with morbid fascination. At the same time he feels sick. He has just thrown Merlin, _his_ Merlin to the crowd. He wonders what they will do with him now.

Without further ado he makes his way out of the room, runs down the steps and faces the cell door. Merlin is in there, behind this door. Arthur can’t see him.  
The king stays where he is though. He cannot be moved, he is bound to this man now, _his_ man, he is about to send to his death. He no longer cares if it’s magic, guilt, rage or desire holding him here. He watches the cell door and waits, patiently waits for something, for anything to happen.

 

The council is left with nothing but rumors and panic, spreading like wild fire. Gaius comes up to Gwen, who is pale and shaking, and helps her on their way out of the hall. Looks like Uther’s spirit has found his way back and hit the central and most vulnerable part of the citadel. Arthur’s heart.

‘Gwen’, Gaius says hurriedly, ‘You should speak to him. As Arthur’s queen, you know his heart’.

This causes Gwen to gasp and in the next moment she’s no longer holding her tears, fear and panic clouding her features. In hushed whisper she speaks quickly.

‘No, Gaius, I don’t! I don’t anymore! I… I’m not the one holding his heart…’

She covers her mouth at the slipped confession and shuts her eyes. Her whole body is quivering from the silent sobs. Gaius squeezes her shoulder. It explains everything, Gaius cannot help but thinks, - how attentive and polite Arthur is to Guinevere since she became queen, how supportive and obedient she has become, how formal and in order they communicate with each other. There is no passion between them. Respect, duty, honor, but no spark. Gwen’s still crying in his arms. He wonders how much pain his old heart can bear. Merlin’s example shows it might exceed any human limits. Merlin…

‘Gwen’, he tries again. ‘I cannot imagine how it must feel, but you need to be strong now. I beg you, for Merlin, please, try. At least try to reason with him’.

She raises her head and wipes the tears away. ‘For Merlin’, she echoes.

‘For Merlin’, Gaius squeezes her arm and helps her down the stairs to the dungeon.

Arthur is standing in the corridor, on guard.

‘Arthur’, speaks Gwen quietly, not knowing how to approach this man, who is supposed to be her husband, but barely touches her, who is her king, but no longer rules over her heart.

‘Ah, Guinevere’, speaks Arthur light-heartedly as if they ran into each other accidentally in one of the citadel’s halls. ‘Would you like a word with Merlin? I’m afraid I cannot allow anyone to speak with him’.

‘No’, she answers coldly. ‘I would like a word with you’.

He looks at her expectantly, as if he has no idea what she might want to discuss. Such heartlessness is so unlike him, it gives Gwen a push and sparks her anger.

‘Arthur, why most loyal of your servants and _our_ dear _friend_ , Merlin, is imprisoned’?

‘He has committed a crime, Guinevere. The penalty for which is death’.

‘What? This is ridiculous! What has he done? And what proof do you have?’

‘I have his confession,’ answers Arthur bitterly, and Gwen lowers her head, feeling the fear creeping inside her heart, but not letting it rule over her.

‘But what it was, Arthur? What did he do?’ she asks calmly, trying to act as a good wife and queen should, showing concern and reason.

‘He used magic, and I saw it with my own eyes’.

Silence falls on them as a veil, baring a soft sigh from inside the cell. Gwen looks at the stone walls in disbelief and shakes her head.

‘Merlin?’ she suddenly calls out and reaches for the stone wall. ‘Merlin? Is it true?’

‘Yes, my lady’, comes a curtly reply.

Gwen looks at Arthur, but his head is turned to the cell, as if he’s surprised Merlin is there or dares to answer.

‘Arthur!’ she calls, and he snaps and stares back at her. ‘What exactly Merlin has done? What did he do with it? With… with magic?’

‘He has done a lot, Guinevere. All these years he has been practicing it. Funny thing is we’re together thanks to Merlin and his magic’.

‘Arthur,’ Merlin’s whisper from the cell is full of pain and bitterness.

‘I thought…’ Gwen’s expression is crushing under the cold mask she’s still wearing. ‘I thought we’re together due to the feelings we have for each other’.

‘So did I, Guinevere, so did I,’ answers Arthur with a bitter, but amused smirk as if the absurdity of situation is starting to entertain him.

‘Whatever Merlin has done, I don’t believe he meant any harm! He served you all these years, he helped us all so many times!’

‘He played with fine for too long, Guinevere. My decision is final. He was practicing magic behind his king’s back. Whatever he did it for he no longer has the luxury of my trust. He committed a crime, he should take a punishment for it’.

‘And you’ll burn him? Will burn Merlin at dawn?’

‘Guinevere…’

‘Answer me, Arthur Pendragon! Will you coldheartedly burn your friend after years of his service and devotion?’

‘I will do what I have to do’,

‘If you burn him, I am no longer your queen’.

‘Guinevere…’

‘I’m no longer your queen!’

Her scream echoes from the walls of the dungeons. She roughly pulls at the ring on her finger and throws it at Arthur’s feet. Its quiet ‘ding’ rings in Arthur’s ears as a warning bell.

‘I refuse to be your wife and your queen’.

‘Very well’, speaks Arthur coldly. ‘I never wanted to force you into it, Guinevere’.

She blinks away her tears and leaves the dungeon, trying not to break her composure under Arthur's scrutinizing glare.

Something hits the cell door from behind with a loud smash. 

'Arthur, what are you doing, go after her!'

Arthur is numb with shock.

'Arthur...'

'No', Arthur answers calmly. 'I won't leave you, Merlin. Not tonight. I will stay with you till the end'.


	4. Hour 4. The Heart of the Night

In the middle of the night guards seize Leon and Gwaine. Arthur eyes them with no expression, he’s too mortified and devastated by this hour.

‘Sire, let us speak to you’, begs Leon but he is interrupted by Gwaine’s wild exclamation:

  
‘No, let me give you a good punch, Princess, maybe this will make your brain work’.  
Arthur raises a brow. No surprises here.

‘You speak treason, Gwaine. Another word and you might join Merlin on the pyre tomorrow’.

  
‘I’d rather burn with him, than be a knight under the command of a heartless monster!’

  
‘Stop, Gwaine. Sire, if you’d only listen… Merlin is our friend, he has served you all these years…’

  
‘Guards, get them out of my sight’.

  
‘Merlin, Merlin!’ Gwaine is suddenly out of guard’s tight grip and is banging on the metal railing of the cell door. ‘Come on, do something! You can knock him out! Do it! Let us save you!’

  
Arthur stops the guard from capturing Gwaine. He’s staring at the same spot Gwaine does. The wall to the left of the cell door. He imagines Merlin standing there, leaning against the wall, his face white as a mask of death.

 

‘I’m sorry, Gwaine’ Merlin’s voice sounds evenly in the cold corridor. ‘I’m sorry’.

  
‘He will burn you!’

  
Arthur would never know Gwaine is capable of such emotions. He sounds broken, desperate, insane, he sounds as if he wants to tell Merlin something entirely different. ‘Merlin, he is going to kill you tomorrow, he will burn you! What are you thinking, there is no hope!‘

  
Silence. And then, quiet as a petal flowing in the night breeze:  
‘I am sorry’.

  
Gwaine backs up from the door, his face twisted.  
‘I know why you want to die, but you’re a fool to think I’d let you’, he spats to the wall. Then he turns to Arthur.

  
‘I am still a knight, so if you have a single drop of honor in your blood, you will accept my challenge, Pendragon’. His glove meets Arthur’s face with a loud smack, and everyone hears Leon’s sharp intake of breath. Guards tense, ready to strike down the rebel. Arthur, still numb as stone, slowly picks up the glove.  
‘Where and when, sir Gwaine?’ he asks casually as if Gwaine has just offered him a friendly sparring.

  
‘At dawn, before the pyre. In front of it. Fight to the death’, Gwaine blurts out in one breath.

  
‘Gwaine, this is outrageous...’ starts Leon, but he is silenced by Merlin’s voice.

  
‘Gwaine’, he calls from the cell, almost gently. Gwaine turns around and steps to the wall, caressing it with his eyes.

  
‘Yes, Merlin?’  
Arthur thinks he can sense a smile in Merlin’s voice and it makes him sick.

  
‘Can you do something for me?’  
Gwaine involuntarily makes another step to the wall and answers in heated whisper:

  
‘You know me… Anything.’

  
Arthur accidentally meets Leon’s gaze and feel both of their cheeks flame up. They break the eye contact and stare into the opposite walls. Gwaine’s heated words replay themselves in Arthur’s head. He can almost see two tangled bodies on the narrow bed, Merlin’s long legs wrapping around Gwaine’s muscular frame, knight’s hungry mouth biting into the pale neck and promising ‘Anything… Anything for you, Merlin’.

  
Gwaine touches the wall, as if he’s touching Merlin’s back. As if he can feel the warmth of his body through the coldness of the thick stone wall.  
‘Please, Gwaine, don’t challenge Arthur. Do not go against your king’, asks Merlin in a soothing and calm voice as if he’s asking Gwaine not to go to the tavern or not to throw his socks around knight’s quarters.

  
‘If he kills you, he’s no longer my king!’

  
‘But he will always be mine’, quietly answers Merlin.

  
Gwaine’s hand twitches on the cold stone and for a second he looks like he’s about to punch the wall. He bites his lip so hard it bleeds, and turns away with a twisted smirk on his face. His hand is still on the wall. It still touches Merlin’s back through it. Finally, with a sharp sigh, he says ‘I promise’, and lets his hand fall. Without looking at Arthur, he slowly stalks away from the dungeons, weak, lost and broken.

  
Arthur lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Merlin’s words still echo in his head, they bang on the walls of his skull like the wind of spring shakes up the northern mountains. Leon is still here. He stares at his king as if he’s close to realization of what is going on here, but can’t quite believe it.  
He says Merlin has always been their friend, he has always been a loyal servant to Arthur, has always been the heart of Camelot. He seems surprised at the latter notion himself. He looks as if he’s about to say something about poetry, but Arthur’s blank stare scares him away.

  
‘I judge you know, what you’re doing, my lord’, he says on his way out. Arthur can only silently tell the guards to follow and keep an eye on the knights. He’s shaking with the raw emotions which just flew through the dungeons.

  
‘You could have knocked me out’, speaks Arthur.  
‘I could have’, answers Merlin.

  
The king leans on the wall and wonders if Merlin is still standing inside his cell, back to the wall, facing the heart of the night.

  
Arthur feels as the night himself. The storm of emotions which has just occurred left him strangely empty and calm. His insides are dark and open, cleaned of the thoughts or feelings. He wants to be refilled with something new.

  
He must proceed carefully, he’s walking on the thin ice now. He knows why the ice is melting. The pyre is getting closer.


	5. Hour 5. The Darkest Hour is Before the Dawn

They say it’s darkest before the dawn. Gaius comes into the dungeons at this darkest hour. The night has taken its toll on him. He doesn’t look old, he looks dead. The guard is chasing after him, trying to stop him, but even he, despite Arthur’s command, cannot stop the old, respected physician from his march of death.  
Gaius falls on his knees in front of Arthur, and it takes his every will power not to rush to the old man and help him up. 

‘Sire, I must confess you will burn the wrong man tomorrow. Everything you accuse Merlin of, was my doing’.

‘Gaius, no! No, don’t!’ Merlin voice from the cell is pained and raw as if he almost drifted to sleep, but was awakened by a nightmare the next moment.

‘Stop it, Merlin! Sire, I taught Merlin magic, I kept practicing it even under your father’s and your rule, and I taught Merlin everything he knows. He didn’t want it, I used him to…’

‘Gaius, this is a lie and you know it! Arthur, don’t listen to him!’

‘I won’t’, lazily answers Arthur, while his heart is bleeding for the old physician. ‘I appreciate your effort at saving Merlin, Gaius, but he already told me he always had it’.

Gaius looks at him in disbelief.  
‘Then why, Sire, you’re so eager to kill a man, who has done only good to you, for something he’s not even responsible for?’  
Arthur raises his brows in surprise.

‘Gaius, must say I’m surprised you imply that I’m taking any kind of pleasure in what I’m doing. You know my father’s law, this is the law of the kingdom which I rule as a king. I must obey it as any other citizen. Practicing magic is treason, treason is charged by the penalty of death. Merlin has known it from the very first day he arrived at Camelot, have you not, Merlin?’  
‘I have’, agrees Merlin. 

Arthur remembers his earlier ‘I have… I have magic’ and shivers.  
It feels like a lifetime. His insides were as cold as stone just a few hours ago, now they ache and quiver. He’s going to be sick. Gaius eyes the cell door and Arthur’s face, as if the dialog is still going on, though the echo of Merlin’s words has died out a minute ago. He looks as if he can’t believe what is happening.

‘Allow me to speak with him, Sire. Please... Let me see him’, he finally begs, trying not to sob.  
‘You will see him tomorrow, Gaius. That’s my final word. Guards, take our physician away’.

And because he has a heart, which is almost free of the ice crust it was covered with, he helps Gaius up, leans to his ear and whispers:  
‘You will see him and talk to him tomorrow. I promise’.  
Gaius just looks at him with eyes full of tears and leaves with the guard, without saying a word.

Arthur is sitting on the stone floor of the dungeon. Merlin is sitting against the cell door. 

They probably are sitting back to back and the stone wall is the only thing separating them. Stone wall and a lifetime of lies. Merlin was hiding his magic from Arthur; Arthur was hiding his feelings from Merlin. The silent night full of raw emotions in the dungeons somehow made them closer. 

Arthur feels that Merlin does not hate him. He won’t hate him even when the pyre is lit. He won’t hate him until his dying breath. And he wonders, with an intensity of his now aching heart, if Merlin feels the same. If he feels that Arthur does not hate him, won’t hate him when he lights the fire, won’t hate him until he dies. He wonders if Merlin knows why Arthur is sitting here, with him, on the cold stone floor of his dungeons and is bleeding his heart out. He wonders if Merlin understands what pyre is for and what flame Arthur is about to light. 

‘It feels like the day will never come’ suddenly says Merlin. His voice is hoarse from the long silence.

‘Yeah’ answers Arthur in a small voice.

‘Arthur, there is one thing I want to ask of you, even if I have no right. Please, don’t tell my mother how I died. Tell her I died in battle or somewhere else, just not… like this’.

Arthur’s heart burns at these words, and then he finally manages: ‘I promise, I won't tell her’.

‘Wish it was morning already, I hate the waiting’, Merlin’s voice breaks and Arthur hears muffled noises from the cell. 

Merlin is crying. 

Arthur bites into the own palm to stop himself from opening the cell this instant, crawling into it and begging Merlin for forgiveness.

‘Merlin’, says he instead, keeping his voice calm and steady. ‘Hold on. It's almost time’. 

Merlin nods, biting his lips to suppress crying. Arthur’s voice is reassuring and gentle, and Merlin no longer understands how the man can talk to him in such voice and send him to his death at the same time. This is impossible. It is not happening. Merlin does not believe it.

‘Look’, says Arthur. ‘The dawn is breaking’.  
The light is slowly cripping in, almost invisible at first.  
Arthur rises up and winces when his muscles cramp, sore from the night spent on the cold stone. His mind is buzzing with unwanted memories and thoughts, his feelings tied in a knot. 

Suddenly he remembers one night spent in the forest after the hunting trip.  
Only him and Merlin, lying side by side by the fire. Warm glow of the fire and countless stars above. The sparks from the bonfire travel into the night sky, floating higher and higher. Arthur suddenly sees a pattern in them, as if they dance and sway to the rhythm he can't hear. The next moment it reaches his ears: Merlin is humming something under his breath, his voice low and rumbling. It sends shivers down Arthur's spine. He's so content in this moment, it's practically physically stimulating. He feels the way he always does when Merlin is around and they're alone. As if his presence is caressing. And Arthur wants nothing more than this.

Merlin goes quiet, and Arthur speaks before he can stop himself:  
'Don't stop!'

Merlin turns him head and raises a brow, lights dancing on his face:  
'That good, eh?' His eyes are laughing. 

'Shut up, Merlin!' Arthur feels his cheeks go hot.  
Merlin furrows his brows.  
'So... Do you want me to go on or shut up, Sire?'

For a few seconds Arthur stares at his face, then they both break into laughter.

'I want you, Merlin...' Arthur slowly starts and his cheeks go hot again when he notices how Merlin's eyes go wide at these words, so he quickly finishes: 'to keep lying down and be silent. You can hum, though', he adds and raises his eyes to the sky, avoiding the eye contact.  
Long silence makes him turn his head and meet Melin's eyes though.

'I'd be happy to oblige, Sire', Merlin says with a charming grin, his eyes full of mirth.  
This is the moment when Arthur realizes he wants to kiss him. This desire is sudden and deep as if he feels he ought to do this, it needs to be done, it is the only way to go on. This is the last step for they are as close as two people can be. Arthur doesn't follow it. He lies and stares into the sky while the only thing he wants to be watching is Merlin's face.

Now Arthur wants the same. He want nothing more - just to see Merlin's eyes, watch the dance of emotions on his face. He wants to forgive him. 

He stops himself.  
And storms off to make orders for the last preparations.

In his cell Merlin slowly turns around and wipes the tears away.  
He watches the wall with a confused expression as if he can still see Arthur through it, even though the noise of the steps clearly says Arthur has left.  
His last words still ring in Merlin’s ears. And they don’t sound as a death sentence.

His heart suddenly goes fluttering. He has to press a palm to his chest to calm down.  
He’s going to die, he’s going to burn.  
He keeps repeating it, trying to stop a wild hope bursting in his chest. 

It’s no use though. Suddenly he believes he will live.


	6. Hour 6. The Pyre at Dawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you all thought I was 'dead' and I am never ever updating this work again. Thanks to all of us there's hope which defies all the odds and makes people return to the long-forgotten stories to finish them. I hope you will forgive me this long pause and enjoy the end of the story.
> 
> Actually this long delay was caused by the fact that I met my 'Arthur' and we got married <3

The square is full. Everyone is here. Members of the Council, servants and stable boys, the cook and kitchen maids, knights and ladies, town folks. They all are looking at him, shock and question in his eyes. ’What is going on?’ If only he knew! ‘How it came down to this?’ Long story and no time to explain.

Arthur takes his place by the Pyre. He avoids to look at it. Instead he carefully watches expressions on the countless faces, they all seem to be frozen with shock and fear. Gwaine is the only one who is pacing and nervous, not frozen on the spot.

‘You owe me a challenge, Pendragon’ hisses he through gritted teeth.

‘I will satisfy your claim, sir Gwaine, after a short speech. If you would still insist’.

Gwaine furrows his brows in confusion, but before he can say anything, Arthur shouts:  
‘Guards! Take the prisoner out!’

Rumors do spread like wildfire, so there are not many shouts of bewilderment from the crowd. Still there are some. Now the whole town is confused with the striking news. Merlin is about to be burned by the order of the king! 

Merlin walks slowly, but steadily, not lifting his eyes from the ground. At the pyre, when the guards start to tie him up he lifts up his head and stares at the sky for some time. Then he turns his head to the side and Arthur does the same, though he feels fear creeping down his spine. He is about to look in the eyes of the man he is about to burn. They exchange a long glance. Merlin’s mouth twists as if he’s about to laugh, but then tremor runs down his cheek, he bites his lips and lowers the gaze. When he lifts the head up again, his expression is unreadable.   
Arthur sighs and looks at the crowd. Takes a step forward. Raises his hand, and, while watching the silence spreading across the square, thinks ‘There it goes. Time to light the fire’.

‘Citizens of Camelot! You might have guessed why I gathered you here today – to witness justice being performed. Justice is the key concept for our kingdom, and I wish I could be a just king for all of you. 

You all know the man, who’s standing on the pyre. This is Merlin of Ealdor, my servant and… friend. He has been my loyal servant for many years and has saved my life and lives of those dear to me countless times. He has earned my trust thorough his service. He was willing to give his life away for me more than once.   
You wonder why he’s about to be burned? You know the laws of our land. According to my father’s law any man should be burned for using enchantments and magic. Merlin has performed magic! Merlin is a sorcerer!’

Shouts and exclamations from the crowd.

‘I am the citizen of this Kingdom as well as you are. I must obey the rules, which were set by my father. These rules were the will of the king who wanted to purify this land. I believe they were established with best intentions.   
Today we see the kingdom as it is, after 20 years of living according the rules of Uther Pendragon. Is our land pure and free from evil magic? Have corrupted sorcerers disappeared? Are we safe?

Dead silence. Arthur’s voice goes deep.

‘I don’t think so. I doubt that the death of another sorcerer, the one who had never harmed me or any of my servants with magic, will change it. It would bring more tears, pain and anger. It will only continue the circle of fear and prejudice. Today I am the king of this land. Today I am about to burn my loyal servant because to do otherwise would be to violate the law of my father. Today I am asking you – do we need such law?’

Everybody in the crowd breathes in as one.

‘So I am asking you, the citizens of Camelot, should we burn this man today? The man who be burned for something he was born with?’

Dead silence has fallen on the crowd. People eye each other in caution, unsure if they heard it right. Has the king just asked them what should be done? The knights are throwing side glances at each other. Gaius raises his brow so high his face looks misshaped. Leon is astounded, Gwaine furrows his brows. Gwen takes a step forward and looks at Arthur the same way she used to look at him when he was just a prince and she was just a servant. As if she can’t quite believe what she sees, but believes it anyway. She makes another step and bravely lifts her head. This moment Arthur is proud of her the way he has never been. He has always known he can rely on Gwen’s bravery and honor.

‘Sire,’ says Gwen and her ringing voice echoes from the citadel walls. ‘I believe I speak for all of us when I say that the person should be judged by what he has done, not what he was born with’.  
She’s shaking with the risk she just took, but a heartbeat later, Gaius comes up behind her and says.

‘Guinevere is right, Sire. Magic itself holds no evil; it’s woven into the fabric of this world. It can be used for good or worse, and should be judged by the hands which are performing it’.

‘Merlin has never committed treason, Sire,’ Leon joins in.

‘He was always loyal to you, your Highness,’ adds Gwaine with a small bow to the king, and Arthur hears a double meaning in this phrase. Always loyal, even when…? Gwaine looks at Merlin. Arthur follows his stare.

Merlin is still tied to the post. His face holds the most peculiar expression Arthur has even seen from his manservant – layers of controlled anger covered with the cold amusement. His face clearly tells the king that Arthur’s the biggest dollophead in the kingdom. Underneath it all lays hope and joy and relief and giddy excitement. They’re still suppressed under the stress of the hopeless night, weight of near death experience, but Arthur knows they are there, somewhere. He is determined to dig for them. Later.

‘Then, my citizens, I kindly ask you to make your choice. Those, who believe in what a few of you have just announced, raise your hands. I will follow your choice. I give you the word of a king’.

Everyone in the crowd holds their breath. Gwen’s and Gaius’s hands go up just a second before Gwaine’s. Leon and Percival raise up their hands too. They’re followed by other knights, the servants, the cook and kitchen staff. Like a stone thrown in the water the circle of raised hands goes wider.   
Arthur can’t help but smiles and raises his hand. He casts a glance at Merlin. He’s watching the people in the square in awe and looks down when tears escape his eyes.

‘Guards’ says Arthur and is scared of how weak his voice sounds ‘Release Merlin’.  
After he is free Merlin takes his position beside Arthur, not meeting his eyes. Arthur is shaking as if it was him who almost got burned. 

‘Sir Geoffrey! I kindly ask you to take the real criminal out’

People mutter and exchange glances while Geoffrey presents to the crowd the true source of evil: copy of the cursed law.

Arthur breathes in and raises his voice. 

‘By the power of the king, granted to me by my ancestors, I command to burn the law, as it brought as all many tears. By doing so I officially lift the ban from magic, which means no harm, all the details will be discussed on the Council meeting tomorrow. Everyone is dismissed’.

The copy of the law which caused so many deaths turns to ashes. Arthur hears voices from the crowd, screams of joy and wonder. Merlin is standing beside him, facing the fire and his hands are shaking. Arthur turns around and softly throws ‘Merlin, follow me’ which sounds more like a plea, than an order. 

For a second Merlin watches him go, then follows his steps.


	7. Hour 7. The Storm in the Morning

When Arthur walks in his chambers, Merlin stops at his heels and shuts the door behind them. 

Outside lies the kingdom the king has just sent on fire: people running to the homes and taverns, rumors spreading like a wild fire. What is it? A hideous plan of revealing the last druid agents, a final crusade against magic users, a new age of Camelot? Somebody’s already celebrating, somebody’s getting ready to run. Nearly all hotheads are stopped by the undeniable reminder: ‘It’s all because of Merlin!’ ‘Merlin is a sorcerer’, ‘Merlin is the most trusted and closest man to the King’, ‘Merlin is…’ ‘Who the hell is this Merlin?’  
This leaves people speechless. This leaves them waiting. 

Inside the room Arthur is waiting for his pyre. He doesn’t break the silence, he silently turns around and meets Merlin’s cold dead-serious gaze.  
‘Well, for a second there, I thought you’d let me burn’, he speaks finally, then clicks his tongue and adds with venom ‘Ah, wait, for the whole damn night!’

‘Merlin’, says Arthur and it seems to break the dam.

‘Don’t ‘Merlin’ me, Arthur Pendragon!’ screams Merlin and almost growls with rage. His eyes flash with gold and he locks the door with his magic without even looking behind his back. Arthur takes a step to the window. This is new. 

‘Who do you think you are?’ yells Merlin. ‘You think being a king allows you to be such a coldhearted bastard? If you were so upset with my revelation, why haven’t you killed me on the spot, you, merciless clotpole? What were you thinking? Forget me, forget Merlin, I realize I don’t mean a damn to you, but how could you make Gwen, Gaius and Gwaine suffer so much? Not everybody is such an arrogant, selfish, pompous ass! You weren’t thinking about them, you, prat! Just because you couldn’t TALK to me, for once just TALK, you idiot, you had to drag them all through that damned hell of your sick twisted mind! You have no brain I knew this; but that you had no heart… ‘ He pauses to catch his breath, and his voice cracks from tears swelling in his eyes and suppressed anger. ‘To think you have no heart… How could you put on such a show… Arthur, why did you have to make me a clown, an idiot, a puppet at your damned show…’

‘Merlin, there was no show, I needed a test, for all of us’.

‘A test!’ seems like this word has given Merlin’s outbreak a new boost. Items start flying around the room, and Merlin is advancing towards him with golden flames ablaze in his eyes. ‘Who gave you the right to test any of us! After all I’ve done to you, how could you even think of testing me! I even killed for you, gods damn, Arthur! I saved your father’s life more than once, the man who would kill me on the spot, to save you and this damned kingdom from a break! And you test me after THAT?’

The magical storm is tearing furniture in pieces, there are loud knocks coming from behind the door and Arthur can clearly hear guards asking if he’s fine.

‘I am fine!’ he shouts through the door, hoping they would hear him.

This seems to inspire Merlin for another burst of anger: ‘You think you’re fine? I show you fine! I was not fine tonight, and neither of us was, all because of your stupid twisted games! Who do you think you are toying with me like that?’

‘Who do you think YOU are, Merlin? I never asked about any of it! I never asked about your help, I never asked you to kill anybody! It was your choice, always your choice completely! Have you ever talked to me about any of it? NO! You just did it behind my back and acted like a harmless idiot afterwards!’

‘Have you ever asked? EVER? I did it because it was my destiny! I did everything for YOU!’

‘And how was I supposed to know WHY you do this for ME? Why you were doing it for me? I did what I did tonight to understand WHY you were doing it!’

‘Oh please! Like you don’t know WHY one person would do anything he can for another! Even you are not as stupid!’

‘REALLY? Really, Merlin? But how could I be sure?’

‘You could have just ASKED!’ yells Merlin at the top of his lungs.

‘And you would have TOLD me?’ Arthur shouts back. ‘Would told me the TRUTH? Doubt it! It was always the tavern, or knocking yourself out in the woods, or how proud you were of the socks you’d washed or how much you care about that armor you polish!’

Merlin’s opens his mouth and no sound comes out. He’s taken aback with Arthur’s words, and the king pushes for more: ‘So you should thank me! At least now I’m finally getting some sincere emotions out of you!’

‘Thank you? Thank you?’ Merlin voice sets the magical swirl in the room to the next level of destruction. ‘Thank you for putting me into the cell without saying a word! Thank you so much, Arthur! Thank you for letting me think these past hours were the last of my life! It’s such a sweet thing coming from your friend and king after everything you’ve done for him!’ With this unstoppable flow of words Merlin is stalking towards Arthur while the furnishings of the room are flying around them as a deadly tornado. 

‘Unbelievable! You really ARE a complete clotpole! You want some sincere emotions? I’ll give you that! Sincere up your ass!’

There’s only a few steps between them, but it doesn’t seem to stop Merlin. 

‘Arthur Pendragon, allow me to tell you how much I hate you! How strongly, utterly, with undeniable passion, I hate you!‘ Merlin’s hands pulls at Arthur’s collar, so their faces are inches apart… ‘Madly, deeply, with all my… ‘he stops on his tracks, his desperate eyes drop to Arthur’s lips, then meet his eyes again. ‘…heart’, Merlin breaths out and kisses him. 

The magical storm subsides the moment their lips touch and now, in the calm surroundings, Arthur feels the storm inside. Merlin is kissing him! With a hot, angry, desperate kiss. Open-mouthed, full of biting and pulling, full of intense desire to show Arthur how much of a clotpole he actually is. Arthur even might agree with him at this point.  
‘Finally!’ he manages somehow in that short amount of time when his lips aren’t smothered by Merlin’s.

Merlin pulls away and slowly blinks in realization of what happened. Arthur licks his lips.

‘Where were we?’ asks Merlin stupidly gaping at him.

‘You hate me with all your heart’, helps Arthur obligingly, unable to remove a dopey grin from his face.

‘Ah, right’, Merlin gasps and takes a few steps back. He looks around at the mess the room has become, then looks at Arthur and distantly touches his own lips.

‘How… how long have you known?’ he suddenly asks.

‘About?’ Arthur cannot help, but licks his lips again. Merlin left a lot of saliva on his chin. 

Merlin blushes and answers quickly and irritated: ‘About magic of course!’

‘I have always suspected something of the kind about you. Told you about the shifty look, haven’t I? You survived the dorocha’s touch. And tonight with Uther’s words it just hit me. I couldn’t take it anymore, didn’t want any more lies… Merlin, I… I am sorry…’

Merlin breaks the eye contact and blushes again.

‘Merlin…’

‘I am sorry, I need some time alone, Sire’, he speaks quickly and disappears behind the door. 

Arthur hears him running into the guards on his way out, and cannot help but smile. Good to know some things about Merlin never change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, this chapter is the true reason this work exists. It was written one day out of the blue just for the sake of writing Merlin throwing a tantrum. I loved how it turned out so much, that decided to create a story behind it which would at least explain how it came down to this.
> 
> I am still unsure if Arthur and expecially Merlin can be considered 'iconic' here, I highly doubt Merlin would be that emotional. But after a sleepless night before pyre and near death exprerience... who knows. 
> 
> Still the idea of the king and the servant, who rather drag each other through a sequence which brings complete emotional devastation than just admit 'I loved and wanted you since the moment we met', makes me adore writing and reading such scenes. Ah, these boys and their supressed feelings for each other.
> 
> For real though. Their relationship is based on the supressed feelings (it is clearly shown in the series), and no power in this world is stronger than the power of suppressed emotion. I actually think that's the key to their popularity: the fact that we never know for sure, the fact that there are no words 'Arthur loves Merlin' or 'Merlin loves Arthur'. We can see it as well as everybody else, but nobody talks about it. So we keep wondering if its 'that' kind of love, or brotherly love, or any other kind of platonic love. The mystery is what makes them two so appealing.
> 
> Well, I can talk about it all day, so I better shut up now. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello ;)  
> First of all, English is not my native tongue, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes and kindly ask for correction and critisism. It is always welcomed!  
> Secondly, I have no idea why after a year of being utterly obsessed with Merlin series and starting about ten different fanfics, I publish this one first. Must be the fact it's divided into chapters. So there's actually hope of finishing it.  
> Feedback is greatly appreciated, as always :) This is a work in progress, and I might be a bit slow with updating, so bear with me. You can totally nudge me with comments, that's the best way to make me move!


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